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Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious… The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

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In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family……unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

The irony of life is living with the consequences of the choices you make.

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

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9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

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18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Cathy is an artist. Her latest work is a piece for Toys For Tots. Cathy got involved with the project a couple of years ago when a dear friend of hers, with no artistic ability whatsoever, asked her to help with a Toys For Tots project. The project you see here is the second one she has done. She says of the experience, “It’s all in the Christmas spirit. I did it to help out a friend and it was for a good cause. I feel that it actually supports TWO good things – The Marine Reserves AND needy children.”

Typically Cathy’s artistic medium is colored pencils. To tell a funny story on her, she once told a friend that she uses colored pencils because she can’t stand having paint on her hands and under her nails. This 5-foot high fireplace box is done in paint, giving Cathy many, many days of dirty-hand grief. It is truly a labor of love! The artists who contribute these works do not receive money or recognition – they do it in the spirit of giving to the children.

Toys For Tots is a long-standing charitable organization, giving some children their only Christmas presents. A Teddy Bear, a fire truck, a new dress or shoes. These would be special memories for a child who normally goes without. What better thing than to see a child’s face light up at Christmas!

I have seen the Toys For Tots bins for years. Today I looked up the history of the organization and was touched by the warm, heartfelt way in which this group was started. In the fall of 1947, Diane Hendricks, wife of Major Bill Hendricks, USCR, handcrafted a doll and asked her husband Bill to deliver the doll to a group that gave toys to needy children. When Bill could find no such organization, Diane suggested that Bill start one. And so he did.

It turned out to be such a successful endeavor that the Marine Corps adopted the Toys For Tots campaign in 1948, taking it nationwide. The Toys For Tots logo, which is still being used today, was designed by Walt Disney in 1948. The Toys For Tots theme song was recorded in 1956 by Nat “King” Cole, Peggy Lee and Vic Damone; quite an impressive array of talent backed this project that is still making children happy 62 years later!

When I asked Cathy for her help with this article she said, “Christmas is, after all, for the kids and every little kid should have something for Christmas! So if we can do a small part to make that happen, I’m all about it!” I like her attitude. So in that spirit, while you’re out shopping this year, drop a little something off for a child wherever you see a Toys For Tots collection site. A little something can mean SO much to a child who has nothing.

If there isn’t a Toys For Tots dropoff in your area or if donating online is more convenient, the sites below can help you make a child’s Christmas special. You can find information on the dropoff sites for any state at the main site for Toys For Tots.

Toys For Tots Main Site

• Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas
• Atlanta, Georgia
• Spokane, Washington
• Sacramento, California
• Albany, New York

Merry Christmas to one and all, may your holiday season be filled with Love!
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Thanksgiving means being appreciative of our military and how they provide the safety in which we live in. I am thankful to have a job and a roof over my head and food to eat and clothes to wear. I am thankful to have met the love of my life and friends and family in which to share my joy. Yes indeed I have much to be thankful for. We have numerous treasures in which to be thankful for this day and every day! … Lynn Ackerman, Tampa, Florida

Today I am thankful for my husband who has always been there for me and has worked so hard to give us a wonderful life. I’m very thankful for my children who have always been loving and kind, you make me proud and I am thankful for all my friends out there, they always know how to make me laugh… Lawana Hutchins, St. Regis, Montana

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My favorite holiday, when you have food, family and friends, what else is there to want? … Dar Clinton, Fairhope, Alabama

I’m thankful for a loving husband and family…They put the sparkle in my eyes and a song in my heart … Sharon Rogers, St. Regis, Montana

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I am most grateful for friends and family – especially those that put up with my moods and craziness – you know who you are – I thank you … Marlene, Liberty Lake, Washington

I’m thankful for the technology that allows me to “talk” to friends everywhere and my wonderful (albeit) weird family! … Kat Kittridge-Taylor, Montana

1. I am thankful for the friends I’ve made all over the country (and the world, actually!) thru the magic of cyberspace! These people have added a lot of enjoyment to my sometimes boring and mundane life! Especially the artists, writers, and music lovers!
2. I’m thankful for happening across a hot Canuck on Jango, who also happens to be very sweet! And as a side note … I’m thankful I got to see him, not once, but TWICE this year!
3. And of course those wonderful 4 days off from work … to do whatever I want! FREEDOM! …. Cathy Penn, Lone Star State

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And last, but definitely not least, from my rather large group of cousins on the East Coast, Happy Thanksgiving to all y’all.

1 Thess 5:18 says to give thanks IN all circumstances. It does not say to give thanks FOR all circumstances. I’m thankful because I can go to God honestly and not have to thank Him FOR trials I do not like in my life. Instead, I can choose in faith to thank Him IN the negative circumstances and have the assurance to know that through my thanks to Him in the midst of suffering that He promises to use my sad situation for good in my life when I choose to trust Him in faith. Easy to say, hard to do sometimes though…even though there is such beautiful hope in this way of thinking … Sandi

Thanksgiving means to celebrate a day where people give thanks to the Lord for friendship and parents and all the things the Lord gives to us. Uh. Yeah … Jacob, age 9

Thanksgiving means to thank God … Maggie, age 11

It means coming together as a family and spending time at home and giving things to help people … Jesse, age 15

Thanksgiving means turning your frown upside down and keeping it that way no matter how others react towards you. It is a time to give your heart completely to God, letting go of all worries, putting others before yourself, and reflecting back on all the wonderful things that you can remember that God has strengthened and blessed you with … Casslyn, age 17

It’s easy to give thanks for the pleasures, comforts, and basic necessities God has allowed into our life, ie: a home, food, the new iPod touch. What we struggle to say thanks for are those trials that cause pain and suffering in our lives. I doubt many, if anyone, will pray to receive an aching back, a wretchedly humiliating disaster, or a fresh, new heartache, but these are the things that teach us endurance, humility, patience and surrender. Our sufferings are meant to draw us closer to Christ. What better to give thanks for? … Briana, age 18

Hmmmm, We are being with our family … Bryson, age 6

I give thanks all the time not just on Thanksgiving! … Heidi, age 15